On ties that bind,on foundations that support.

This is about the ties that  bind.And the bases that act as the foundations.
Of lives.
Their reasons for being.Their nature.Their journey.Their purpose.
So this morning I woke up light and happy.I have seen my mind take rather naturally and readily to its role of being a  Spreader of Happiness.Now THAT'S a dream job if  ever there was one. :)
Numerous thoughts crossed me.And then one of them held on to me.
It was on the nature,purpose,reason for the ties we make.
What makes us create something?And having done so,what do we make as the foundation on which it rests?
Its very personal,I realize.Which is why the disclaimer in advance that this ONE PERSON's perspective.
So,what really does tie us to people? And is that reason important to what takes place thereafter?
What do people base their relationships on?Is it obvious or subtle?
Is there a point to these questions?
Are they relevant or even moot?
Truthfully,I don't know.
These could be merely random thoughts.Or they could be reflections gestated from deep introspection.
Whatever may be,I feel they bear being put down,for a few simple reasons.
The first one seems the universality of  ambiguity surrounding the rather dangerous minefield of modern relationships.It does NOT help that the people in them tend to change goalposts ever so often without so much as a by your leave,or at times without even realizing it themselves.Confusion abounds from a lack of clarity,not helped by the lack of communication.Its a fine mess.Hurt happens inevitably and invariably,more often than not unintended.
I once heard someone say: I would rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I am not.
Laudable,yes.
Practical? Not quite. Not when self deception is spreading on an epidemic scale.
Promises are made for reasons that have nothing to do with the intentions behind them.
Ever after suddenly seems terribly important.
Holding on,no matter what seems almost like a crowning badge of fidelity.
Somewhere,truth suffers.

Then there is the strange phenomenon of need.Disguised,quite cleverly so,as you may imagine,as a reason,a binding factor.
Its all very well,in concept.That is,until ever after turns into need fulfilment.Crossing the threshold changes something.Quite simply,it necessitates a reinvention,a rethink,perhaps a completely new perspective.
But hold on,you say.What about compromise,adjustment,evolution,growth and all such wonderful soliloquies?
I completely empathize.
When a relationship starts itself based on a need,it culminates on fulfilment of that need.
And then what?
We search for new needs?
Simple?
Only,not.
Because somewhere something has moved past the moment where fulfilling needs was the principal pursuit.
In any case,different needs do somewhere presuppose different sources of fulfilment.
Why I particularly find it strange to make need the foundation and binding factor in a relationship is because of  their  transient nature when seen against the need of a relationship to have longevity.
Which leads to the question: Do relationships presuppose longevity?
But that is for another day.. :)
But there is no denying that longevity is definitely on the mind of people who chose and decide to invest themselves in something as potentially all consuming as a deep,passionate relationship.It would be masochistic not to..
So needs..longevity..mutually contradictory.

I have purposely avoided going into the murky swamp of traditions,conditioning,passive-aggressive pressures from societal and familial role playing.Primarily because I feel there is already enough literature abounding on that.And they too,while fully fraught with the same risks as relationships free from their influence,offer the promise of  happily ever after..:)

I came across a quote today: "Because to the world,you are one person,but to one person, you are the world"
Its the thought that has sold a million hallmark cards,countless romcoms and an equally humongous numbers of music CDs.
I rest my case. :)


                                                                                          
 
                                                                                                                        

On living fully.

So today I danced..
Its been nearly a month and about thirteen classes so far,and I feel alive like never before.
Happiness just exists. It just is. Without reason.Without cause.
But sometimes a little help to remove what's blocking it from you(mostly yourself!) is quite welcome.
Things happen randomly,unexpectedly to me.
Well,for almost a month now,Dance just happened...and how.
I enrolled for the class hoping to get over a fear of social dancing.
Its turned out to be an embrace of a new way of life altogether.
Not unlike learning a new cuisine or travelling to an entirely foreign land or acquiring a radically new perspective.
But there's a vital difference.
There's an absolutely maddening absence of boredom or ennui...
Let me explain.
Being the Aquarian that I am,I can get drawn quite passionately to new pursuits and can quite convincingly push myself to achieve a lot.And there lies the problem..More often than not,pushing myself to that extent usually leaves me dissatisfied when I find familiar territory being reached.Simply put,achievement bores me.
I'm fine with being judged for that,BTW. :)
But with Dance,my chosen art,there's achievement without completion that may result in a fall back to the same familiar territory.
In other words,there's never a dull moment.
There's steps and there's learning them.True.
But deep inside,you realize that somewhere in all the regimentation,learning,absorbing the instructions lies the first ever promise of a full life..and that is where things get interesting.
The difference between learning to earn/live and learning because its your passion is gargantuan.
Let me just put it this way..
When you dance,you just dance.
You don't do it BECAUSE..
It just happens.
Quite like happiness, fulfilment,living life fully..the joy in dancing happens quite naturally.
Somewhere deep inside,you feel connected to a huge and passionate fraternity of practitioners of this beautiful art..
To me,it felt like a blinding light at the end of a particularly long and dark tunnel..
I am ready to take my place in that fraternity.
The learning will continue,I know.
But perhaps,living fully needn't wait any longer.
And just like that,life feels happier,lighter,elegant. :)

On Friends..

Its the damnedest thing,really.
In a world filled with passing fancies,fleeting passions,cynical overload,pessimistic attitudes and such,there's one thing,the presence of which,evokes nothing but the most wondorous surprise.
It is the existence of friendship.
Someone said:"To have a friend,be a friend..".
True.But what if you aren't exactly the friendly sort.
Or that you are.But have kind of lapsed into something of loner-li-ness..
But that fact aside for now.
This is about friends and friendship.
How does one become deserving of a true friend?
We all know what true friends do.Those who have been fortunate enough to have them certainly understand.
Its so effortless.
Real friendship.
Unlike practically anything else.
To make it even more obscure,this understanding of friendship,we tend to find friends being there with us especially when we possibly haven't done anything to deserve them in the first place.
They believe in us LONG after we have given up on ourselves.
They check and caution us gingerly,without judgement and political correctness.
Its almost like having a parent,minus the baggage.
And somewhere,magic happens.
To live in a world where friendship is believed in, practised and nurtured and spread is one of the boons of being human.No doubt about that.
To friends everywhere..Happiness always. :)

God and religion

So I went to watch a movie..my first in months.
I chose OMG.
A movie that is about a man who sues God.
Fascinating.
Why?
Because of the audacity of the idea.
The promise was there.
And since this article isn't a film review(God knows we have enough of those..),all  I will say is that the film making wasn't earth shattering.But the thought it tried to grasp,the depth of it,certainly was...
When I reflect on religion as it has meant to me,I find,as with many other things,deep ambiguities and duality.
How has my faith helped me?And equally importantly,how have I helped faith?
The disappointment is mutual.
Religion,while great in crises("There are no atheists in the trenches",remember?) never quite lived up to its lofty promises.Too many absolutes,too little logic.                   

On what it means to be human,as per me.

Are you a stick?
Are you a weapon?
Are you a carpet?
Are you a ATM?

Maybe you are unaware of your true purpose in life.
But before you find answers to who you are or who you are meant to be,you can take a bit of time to see to who you simply absolutely aren't?

Why,you ask.Well,here is why.

When I show poor impulse control in falling for anything or accepting or internalizing anything..or even worse,act on that ill-controlled impulse in a poorly thought through action-arc..I need to ask myself: Am I really a stick? Or a weapon ?

Because the person who sees me as one is obviously someone with a certain level of control over me.

He/she sees me as a person who may be counted upon to act as per a certain preprogrammed reflex.I would have given him/her an impression to that effect at some point in the course of our journey together.Or maybe he/she just needs me to be that at that point.

So will I be letting them down?Will I be guilty,or worse,will my worst fears about them leaving me come true?

Guilt and fear belong in the dustbin of our lives,so let us trash them ab-initio. No sense carrying on with baggage,is there? :)

So,if not that,what are we?

Maybe our roles,our conditioning lead us to believe we are to have this huge burden of being ever so serious and responsible.Or maybe we feel the need to let the people in our lives take a dump all over us on a regular basis.We must hold on to them in their low times,we feel.After all,how can we deserve their best if we cannot be there for them at their worst..and so on..we tell ourselves.
So,we are carpets.Doormats.

Wrong.But I am getting ahead of myself.

And finally the real holy grail of relationships: Money.
Yes,you heard me right.
Its NOT love,intimacy,warmth,trust,mutual respect,communication,passion and many many more such well documented factors that create,sustain,perpetuate and nurture a relationship.

Its about the money,honey.

Someone wise once said: Money isn't important,but make sure you have plenty of it before spouting such drivel..nonsense..trip..what have you..
Because sooner or later,you are asked to,quite literally,put your money where your mouth is.
Everything else is important,of course.
But it really starts with the bucks.. :)

So,you must be an ATM..

After all,the fact that you bring home food on the table being so important must surely mean just that.
To watch your child light up with happiness when you get him/her what they so dearly want? To make your wife feel valued and thought of? To make your parents feel a little less burdened by responsibility for a rare and fleeting passing moment in life? To see a friend through a rather tight phase? And so on..?
The jury is out on that one..but I am  pretty sure you are NOT an ATM.The thought itself is scary.

So we are not these four things.
Or their many versions or variants.

I AM sure of one though.
I am no longer comfortable of being a stick or a weapon.
I am a thinking human.
I need my mind to be used.

Three Simple Words

Three simple words have the power to change lives.
Yours.Mine.Ours.
No..those aren't the three simple words... ;)
Levity aside..or maybe levity carried along..what are these words?
You.Are.Loved.
Said to yourself each time you take a look in the mirror.
Said to the person in front of you.Whoever they are.
Said to friends, fr-enemies or outright enemies... :)

Its my belief that the world's sadness emanates from not enough forgiveness,acceptance.love,non-judgement. These words possess in the them the power to change that.
Imagine saying them to yourself every morning as you wake up.Imagine them being the very first words anyone in your life hears from you.Yes,they will chuckle..feel  irritated..be dismissive. What naivete,they will scoff..
Don't let it fool you one bit.They love that you said just what they were longing to hear.In some cases,for  ages.And when I say they,I mean you as well.
You are loved.
If more people believed this than they do other ordinary facts,we would be taking some pretty powerful steps towards becoming complete humans,and more importantly,setting ourselves up for being sources of happiness.For ourselves.For those we care about.And also for those we don't care about.
Why,you wonder?Why the belief in their power all of a sudden?
Truthfully,I don't quite know it yet.
But believing in esoteric,sublime maxims is fast becoming something of the past.Today,we need to see what we believe in.It should be palpable,tangible, relate-able.
What more universal a need than the one for love,I felt?Love at its most unselfishly pure,accepting,elemental best.
Once that is understood,the words are rather simple to follow.
What if all we craved and longed for our whole lives was miraculously granted to us right at the very beginning and never really quite left us our whole lives?What if all the acceptance,love and fulfilment we fought for our whole lives was there within us,just waiting for us to look in its direction?
So is this the same as self acceptance,you ask?
Well,yes and no.
Self acceptance is what unlocks the door.But there is a world behind that door that is vastly,infinitely loving.A world that shakes us with the power of those three simple words.
You are loved.
Embrace it.It may yet be the best faith you have ever come across.It can certainly change a life.Yours.Another person's.
Spread the love. :)